Thursday, January 17, 2008


From: One Dave Smith
Sent: 17 January 2008 16:08
To: Another Dave Smith
Subject: please stop!

Dear Dave (or whatever your name is):

You have caused unbelievable chaos in my life over the past few months by pretending to be me when people have written to your email address by mistake. Yes, my address at Google has a "g" in the middle and yoursdoes not. Had I gotten your mail by mistake, I would have just told the senders to check out the address and try again. Instead, you pretended to be me and sent obscenities to some of them and gibberish to others. Luckily three people knew me well enough to realize that it was a sophomoric prank, and that is how I discovered what has been going on. Even so, it took lots of explaining and apologies. The real worry is that I have no way of knowing how many people were truly offended and have now written me off. I have just gotten off the phone once again  explaining all of this to one of my supervisors at work who wondered why his emails had be answered by nonsense.

I have begged Google to ask you to stop, but they will not get involved. Of course, you probably knew that already.

Grow up and get a life!


On 1/18/08, Dave Smith wrote:
Hello David,

Thank you for your email.  As per your request, I shall no longer take our name in vain.  For quite a long time my responses were generally informative, but the volume of email I got on your behalf became overwhelming.  It got to the point where it seemed as though you were using my variation of your email address for liaisons with people that perhaps you did not want to deal with.  I appreciate this is an assumption, but as I had no idea who the 'other' David Smith was and since it's such a popular name, I didn't feel this conclusion was entirely untoward.  It was always easy enough to get in contact with myself at any point, yet no communication came so I thought nothing more of it.

It seems you've gotten yourself into quite a state, even contacting Google yet never thought of actually contacting me yourself.  I shall stop replying to the emails, but would request that you're more explicit when sharing your email address.

Also, Dave.

From: Dave Smith
Date: 21 January 2008 12:52
Subject: Re: please stop!
To: Dave Smith

Dear Dave,
Thanks for your note...very glad to get this cleared up. I discontinued use of this email address after the first incidents were brought to my attention last fall and now use it for the sake of checking archived mail. I had not contacted you directly on the advice of friends who had dealt with identity theft cases, but I realize now that the direct approach would have saved us both considerable inconvenience. Sorry about live and learn.
I have by now contacted everyone in my address book with my new address which cannot be confused with yours, so I hope you do not be receive any further mails that were meant for me.
David Smith

Thursday, January 10, 2008

【事務連絡】syllabus inputについて。

On 10/01/2008, Ryōko wrote:

英米文学科 教 員各位

Hello, I'm Ryōko, an officer of Keio University Faculty office.

Itsumo osewani natteorimasu.
syllabus no input wo onegaishimasu.
1/8-1/15made input dekimasu.

2007nen to henkou ga nakereba Shiraishi ga input
shimasu. renraku wo kudasai.

yoroshiku onegai itashimasu.
soredewa shitsurei itashimasu.
From: Dave Smith
Date: 10 Jan 2008 16:10
Subject: Re: 【事務連絡】syllabus inputについて。
To: Ryōko

Hello, I'm Dave Smith, an officer of your pants and I can't find my truncheon.

Surechigai-zama hohoemi kureta.
Yannaru gurai kenkoh da.

From: Ryōko
Sent: 17 January 2008 10:14
To: Dave Smith
Subject: syllabus input について。

Dear Dave Smith sensei

Hello, I'm Ryōko, an officer of Keio University Faculty office.

Thank you for your E-mail!!
But I can't read... What mean???

sate,Itsumo osewaninari arigatougozaimasu.
syllabus no input ga mada owatteinaiyounanodesuga
ikagadesyou.2007nen to onajidesuka?
onajideareba shiraishi ga input shimasu.

yoroshiku onegai itashimasu.
soredewa shitsurei itashimasu.
From: Dave Smith
Date: 17 Jan 2008 10:15
Subject: RE: syllabus input について。
To: Ryōko

Then I'm afraid you have failed me.

I expected more from you, Ryōko.

I saw big things in your future.

I see them no more.


Monday, December 10, 2007

Re: Next week

On 11/24/07, Phil Klassic wrote:

Dear Diane,

I think that next week Dave will be spending a good deal of time on the research project, but can you please canvass staff as to whether anyone is doing anything interesting on the Tuesday and Wednesday...I think that Dave may get a little bored if he has to spend the whole week reading charts! He'll be reading on the Monday, I expect.

Dave, I'll be in Nunavut, I believe, on those days.

Dave, can you confirm that you've gotten permission to go to kenora with me next Thursday and Friday? I'll give you details next week as to travel arrangements.

From: Dave Smith
Date: 2 Dec 2007 00:21
Subject: Re: Next week
To: Phil Klassic, Diane Parry


Its been a while. I know we got together that one time, we had sex. move on get over it. It wasn't very good anyway.

Too right I got bored. If you guys kept me busy I wouldn't feel the need download the pictures of those small kids. They're so sweet anyways, I don't think anything I do can touch their purity, despite what Phil says. Phil is just a disgusting hypocite. Sodomy is not a right of passage. Phil you are wrong.

Despite your nice ass.

Nunavut is good. Dont know if I can cope recently, our boys are getting caught up


Thursday, November 8, 2007

Gemma Newton- girl from melbourne

On 03/11/2007, Gemma Newton wrote:

hey Dave.... just a qick note to say it was cool meeting you and having a drink at that cool parisian bar... hows uni going anyway? hey could you send me some of those photos we took that night, i remember there was a few funny ones. Take care Emmal
From: Dave Smith
Date: 8 Nov 2007 14:18
Subject: Re: Gemma Newton- girl from melbourne
To: Gemma Newton

hey Gemma, was cool meeting you too. are you going to send those naked pics you promised? remember? just kidding! but you can if you want to. im uploading the photos to flikr with a few extra ones of me in all my glory. ill send you the link later, k? k. Take care Dave!

interview thank you letter

On 08/11/2007, Wayne K wrote:

Dear Mr. smith,

I greatly enjoyed our conversation about KPMG's assurance associate position today. Speaking with you has reinforced my perception of KPMG's outstanding employees. It is always a great opportunity to be able to speak with a partner, especially one as well traveled and engaged with his career as you are. I especially liked hearing about your insight into your firm's ongoing efforts in maintaining the consistency and the quality in the service provided from each office. You told me that the constantly changing nature of the accounting profession continues to keep you interested in your work. This dynamic work environment is also one of my reasons for pursing the assurance position with KPMG.

During the interview, you asked me about a skill I could improve upon and about any regrets I have during my time at UCSC. Unfortunately, my answers left little time for me to tell you about my strengths. I am convinced I have all the qualities you are looking for in a candidate. I am a very dedicated and detail-oriented worker with verbal and written communication skills to match. If you could spare some time, I would like to provide specific examples from my educational and work experience. Many of my peers would make great candidates, however, I feel that my previous work experience in SOX Section 404 compliance and in the client-oriented contracting industry set me apart.

With six clients to manage, you must be extremely busy. I appreciate the time you have taken out of your schedule to interview me and I look forward to seeing you again. Thank you.


Wayne K
From: Dave Smith
Date: 8 Nov 2007 14:13
Subject: Re: interview thank you letter
To: Wayne K

Wayne Kerr,

Nice try buddy! Seriously, trying to scrape some credibility back after some terrible question responses ain't gonna win no brownie points with me. I've never read a message that leaves me with such an intrusive feeling that I've been rimmed before.

On the other hand though, I could use a few yes men. It's hard enough constantly arguing with those around me to convince them that my approach is the best, so if you can promise me that you'll agree with everything I say, in any circumstances, we may be able to take this further.

Think about it.

Dave S.
From: wayne kerr
Date: 25 September 2009 22:30
Subject: Re: interview thank you letter
To: Dave Smith

Dude your band sucks balls.  If I was that bad, I'd kill myself...

Friday, September 21, 2007

Many Languages Are Dying

On 20/09/2007, Blanca Gholash wrote:

Researchers Say Many Languages Are Dying

WASHINGTON, Tue Sep 18, 05:53 PM

When every known speaker of the language Amurdag gets together, there's still no one to talk to. Native Australian Charlie Mangulda is the only person alive known to speak that language, one of thousands around the world on the brink of extinction. From rural Australia to Siberia to Oklahoma, languages that embody the history and traditions of people are dying, researchers said Tuesday.

While there are an estimated 7,000 languages spoken around the world today, one of them dies out about every two weeks, according to linguistic experts struggling to save at least some of them.

Five hotspots where languages are most endangered were listed Tuesday in a briefing by the Living Tongues Institute for Endangered Languages and the National Geographic Society.

In addition to northern Australia, eastern Siberia and Oklahoma and the U.S. Southwest, many native languages are endangered in South America Ecuador, Colombia, Peru, Brazil and Bolivia as well as the area including British Columbia, and the states of Washington and Oregon.

Losing languages means losing knowledge, says K. David Harrison, an assistant professor of linguistics at Swarthmore College.

"When we lose a language, we lose centuries of human thinking about time, seasons, sea creatures, reindeer, edible flowers, mathematics, landscapes, myths, music, the unknown and the everyday."

As many as half of the current languages have never been written down, he estimated.

That means, if the last speaker of many of these vanished tomorrow, the language would be lost because there is no dictionary, no literature, no text of any kind, he said.

Harrison is associate director of the Living Tongues Institute based in Salem, Ore. He and institute director Gregory D.S. Anderson analyzed the top regions for disappearing languages.

Anderson said languages become endangered when a community decides that its language is an impediment. The children may be first to do this, he explained, realizing that other more widely spoken languages are more useful.

The key to getting a language revitalized, he said, is getting a new generation of speakers. He said the institute worked with local communities and tries to help by developing teaching materials and by recording the endangered language.

Harrison said that the 83 most widely spoken languages account for about 80 percent of the world's population while the 3,500 smallest languages account for just 0.2 percent of the world's people. Languages are more endangered than plant and animal species, he said.

The hot spots listed at Tuesday's briefing:

Northern Australia, 153 languages. The researchers said aboriginal Australia holds some of the world's most endangered languages, in part because aboriginal groups splintered during conflicts with white settlers. Researchers have documented such small language communities as the three known speakers of Magati Ke, the three Yawuru speakers and the lone speaker of Amurdag.

Central South America including Ecuador, Colombia, Peru, Brazil and Bolivia 113 languages. The area has extremely high diversity, very little documentation and several immediate threats. Small and socially less-valued indigenous languages are being knocked out by Spanish or more dominant indigenous languages in most of the region, and by Portuguese in Brazil.

Northwest Pacific Plateau, including British Columbia in Canada and the states of Washington and Oregon in the U.S., 54 languages. Every language in the American part of this hotspot is endangered or moribund, meaning the youngest speaker is over age 60. An extremely endangered language, with just one speaker, is Siletz Dee-ni, the last of 27 languages once spoken on the Siletz reservation in Oregon.

Eastern Siberian Russia, China, Japan 23 languages. Government policies in the region have forced speakers of minority languages to use the national and regional languages and, as a result, some have only a few elderly speakers.

Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico 40 languages. Oklahoma has one of the highest densities of indigenous languages in the United States. A moribund language of the area is Yuchi, which may be unrelated to any other language in the world. As of 2005, only five elderly members of the Yuchi tribe were fluent.

The research is funded by the Australian government, U.S. National Science Foundation, National Geographic Society and grants from foundations.
From: Dave Smith
Date: 20 Sep 2007 16:19
Subject: Re: Many Languages Are Dying
To: Blanca Gholash
Cc: Fiona Fister-Stooges, Rabbit Roach, Mark Katschinski, Josephh O'leary, Joseph Crew, Hussein, Charlie Wolfy, Ceri Diva, Bill Croc, Tasaku Tsunami, Seth




Tuesday, September 18, 2007


On 18/09/2007, Jacob Hutton wrote:

Hi Dave,

Let me first say how great it is to be back in a choir. I've really enjoyed the first two rehearsals.

My old choir (Cambridge) will be touring to Hong Kong in December, and I'm planning to go (both to add my voice, and more personally because the conductor is my girlfriend who I only get to see every few months). I've just discovered the dates, and unfortunately they coincide exactly with the week when your choir is performing: 1-9th December. :(

However, I am very keen to sing this term and can make all the family concerts, and the one day retreat. I feel I could contribute during the rehearsals even if not performing in the concerts, though can understand why you might prefer me not to sing. In any case, please let me know what you think.

Next term there should be no problems.


From: Dave Smith
Date: 18 Sep 2007 09:28
Subject: Re: Concerts
To: Jacob Hutton


I've really enjoyed having you in the first rehersals! The way your pert little buttocks sway when you reach for the high notes has caused more than a little stirring from my end, for certain ;)

So things are pretty rocky between you and your girlfriend, huh? Women hey, WHO NEEDS THEM??? Are you with me!? I hope you say yes.

On a more serious note though, I require complete dedication from my choir and no less. Getting married? Choir comes first. Wife giving birth? Choir comes first. Usually I wouldn't give your request a second thought, but the thought of losing the sight of those buttocks is one I'm not sure I can bare.

I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement where everyone's happy. Perhaps some private sessions also ;) ?