Thursday, February 22, 2007


On 2/19/07, Amy White wrote:

Hi Dave,

How are you going? Just thought I'd drop you a line so you have my email address now. How's the job hunt puttering along? Also, I was wondering if you could send me Elle's email address.

Hope to see you in Wah book extravaganza world soon, i pop my head in time to time but haven't seen you again yet.


:) Ames
Hey Ames,

Good to hear from you. Job hunt is going ok, its a little frustrating at time but you have to expect these things. What have you been up to?

Elle's email address is*

Its been a while since Ive been to Wah book, will have to pop by soon.

take care,


* The email address I've sent I have now registered. Remember, I change the names in the correspondence here, so emailing will be futile.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Work Experience/Internships at PerpetualMotionCorp

On 1/25/07, Graham Gooch wrote:

Good afternoon, Mr Smith. I apologise for taking so long to reply to you. I've just about conquered the busiest part of my workload for the month, so I am now able to turn my attention to you. I have spoken to our HR department. If your son would like to send his c.v. to, with a brief explanation of what areas (marketing/investments etc.) he may be interested in working in, they will review it and see what they can do. I have been told that they have a number of students already booked, so they can't promise anything, but please feel free to open a dialogue at least.

My filling is holding out well, and I hope to see you for my next scheduled check-up at a future date.

Best regards,

From: Dave Smith
Sent: 16 February 2007 23:05
To: Coltman, Dave
Subject: Re: Work Experience/Internships at PerpetualMotionCorp

Mr Coltman,

I sort your filling out, practically for free, using premium filling material (not my usual mercury based stuff). This was all on the understanding that you would place my son at PerpetualMotionCorp. He is more than talented after all. I didnt ask much, it was only a student placement and yet you still deny me this.

I'm just disappointed.

That said, may I remind you that a hygenist session is due and could you contact my office to arrange it shortly.

All the best,

From: Gooch, Graham
Date: Feb 19, 2007 9:35 AM
Subject: RE: Work Experience/Internships at PerpetualMotionCorp
To: Dave Smith

I sent it to the wrong Dave Smith, didn't I. Sorry about that. Good wind up though, had me going for a bit!

Friday, February 16, 2007

Pure Music

On 16/02/07, Barry Manilow wrote:

Given your PhD topic, I assume you know what "pure music" is -- any substance? to be avoided?

If you'd be interested in going I can get tickets.


From: The Music Committee
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Date: Fri, 16 Feb 2007 13:54:33 +0900 (JST)
Subject: The Natural Sounds of Pure Music

The Natural Sounds of Pure Music

Sunday, March 18, 2007 15:00p.m.

Pure Music is a fast developing genre in the music world that produces the transparent sounds of nature in harmony with the world of revered classical music. The thrust of this particular genre is its calming effect on the listener's brain contributing toward physical and spiritual healing. Recently Pure Music has gained worldwide attention as a therapy in the medical field.

Mr. Hiroki Tamaki, composer and violinist, has gained a reputation in Japan as a leader in Pure Music. Among his fans are medical institutions and nursing homes where he plays to an audience seeking to relieve such symptoms as insomnia, high blood pressure and headaches. Tamaki is a graduate of Tokyo National University of Fine Arts & Music and also conducts a program on NHK radio. He will be performing with pianist/ physician, Dr. Rikka Fukuda, who is known as the "singer-song doctor" among his patients for promoting Pure Music as a treatment. Harpist, Ms Yoshiko Miyake, will accompany the musicians. She is a graduate of Tokyo National University of Fine Arts and Music. In keeping with the concept of healing, the musical trio also plays for charities.

Tickets are available for the concert with tea and cake at 3,500yen (including 166yen tax).

Reservations at the Reception Desk, please, at 3211-3161 or on-line to

(Reservations canceled less than 24 hours prior to the event will be charged in full)

The Music Committee

Aaaaaah, pure music. Pure music pure music pure music pure music pure music. Yes! Pure music. You can probably already guess my opinion on Pure Music. I mean, is music ever really "Pure"? Is "Pure" ever "Music"? It's an interesting conundrum and one that I think difficult to describe in words alone. These are exciting times my friend. Exciting times indeed. But is "Pure" exciting, or is "exciting" Pure? I'm finding this hard to describe through text as my mind is racing ahead of my hands. If you want to know my true opinion on "Pure Music", then the next time you see me, grab my shoulders and below "Excelsior!" and to the next level we shall travel.


On 16/02/07, Barry Manilow wrote:

I suspected as much. I'll give the concert a pass (but as it will be unheard, not a passing grade).

I assume that the therapy side is just as, well, unexceptional? Or, to rephrase, mood music is only that for people who want to pay for sound in the background that they won't listen to -- and if they're forced to listen to it their mood might change and not for the better. [Uh, I thought I had a cute phrase coming, but no it's a flop.]  Anyway "pure music" doesn't improve anyone's mood or mental health if the standard of comparison is either silence or listenable music ... ?

Don't rush to answer, but thanks for answering the first time around.

From: Dave Smith
Date: 16-Feb-2007 14:50
Subject: Re: Pure Music
To: Barry Manilow


Don't get me wrong. I mean, I'm as open minded as the next chap, but this "pure music" leaves me feeling that the dance of the emperors new clothes is leaving us with an earful of pink pancakes, yet very little syrup to aid their digestion.

I mean, you wouldn't trust Paris Hilton to mow your lawn now, would you?

From: Barry Manilow
Date: 17-Feb-2007 14:52
Subject: Re: Pure Music
To: Dave Smith

Well, there is techno music that I like (Chemical Brothers) but rap is not my thing. But New Age music ... some new music will eventually be classic, but I've never heard anything "New" that I wanted to hear a second time. Most I didn't want to hear the first time. Jazz on recordings is not something that I like, but live jazz can be quite nice. Ditto for various showy virtuoso pieces, they demand showmanship and a CD can't convey that. On the other hand I can't imagine sitting through a concert of Gregorian chant, but a recording can be really nice. On the Japanese end there is gagaku, the most excruciating concert experience I've ever had, far worse than the concert I went to straight from the hospital after having all 4 wisdom teeth removed ... a complete performance of Handel's Messiah. A full dose of Demarol (or maybe it was morphine) may have had had an effect on that latter experience.
As to Paris Hilton, I thought she liked guys to mow her lawn ... so no, I wouldn't trust her to mow mine.

From: Dave Smith
Date: 19-Feb-2007 09:09
Subject: Re: Pure Music
To: Barry Manilow


This is too wide a subject to discuss by email. Can you do lunch today or tomorrow? We could find a good titty bar somewhere (I mean, they must be somewhere, right?) and be naughty.

From: Barry Manilow
Date: 19-Feb-2007 11:08
Subject: Music
To: Dave Smith

Uh, a 6 pm message for lunch today????

Anyway, I can potentially head in tomorrow (Tues) but expect to be in on Wed for an evening seminar so that would work. I'm in on Thursday, too, with a lunch and an afternoon and, remind me, something in the evening? No dinner set yet but since it's a fulbright seminar a group are very highly likely to head out afterwareds, so Thurs is not so good.
BTW are you doing voice sessions this month? I know you'd mentioned starting at 7 pm but not sure when etc etc.


This is too wide a subject to discuss by email. Can you do lunch today
tomorrow? We could find a good titty bar somewhere (I mean, they must
somewhere, right?) and be naughty.

-- during lunch?? our ideas of naughtiness probably differ, too....

Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Cup of Trembling

On 1/11/07, Katy Hill wrote:

My friends and I were so happy to meet you yesterday and so delighted that you will help us out with Cup. Your authentic voice will be great - I thinnk we told you we will have Englebert Humperdink (came with the Steve Miller years ago) with her bit of a German accent and all of that will make it so much more believable. At least Mama won't have a Southern drawl.

I will copy and send you the parts we'd like for you to do. If it turns out that you can be with us that would be wonderful. Even if you can't, it would be great if you could come out to Holy Cross, see the church (beautiful in new church way - not beautiful like Prince George) - meet the cast and maybe go through a rehearsal with us. Aside from Bill Oddie who is a wonderful, professional actor, we have Fartmoot (Lutheran minister) and Willie Nelson (retired Methodist minister) and my husband, Harry Hill (retired Episcopal minister) who wil read (taped) the Commendation for the read William Dieterle. It is a powerful play and we're pulling out the stops.

Thanks again, we'll be in touch. Sincerely, Katy Hill (director)
From: Dave Smith
To: Katy Hill
Sent: Thursday, January 11, 2007 4:44 PM
Subject: Re: The Cup of Trembling

Yes, I was interested in participating but wasn't 100% sure. This email has made a few things very clear to me.

Not only do you have Lutherans freely participating in your production but Methodists too. I thought I made it very clear that I can't associate with their abomination of the word. What suprises me most is your blithe acceptance of the situation.

That said, how about dinner next Thursday evening. I'll leave "the wife" at home (if you want...)


Dave (Donkey Dong) Smith

On 1/11/07, Katy Hill wrote:

Is this a joke? Katy Hill

From: Dave Smith
Date: Jan 11, 2007 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: The Cup of Trembling
To: Katy Hill

Wednesday, February 14, 2007


On 20/12/06, Barry Manilow wrote:

Can't make this evening -- dinner on behalf of my sponsoring professors predecessor, in Japan for a week from Argentina.

I have the 100 Carols for Choirs and can look at the music on my own.

Anything else for Sunday?

Concert in Bueno Friday by the Sonic couple.


Barry Manilow, Professor of Economics

From: Dave Smith
Date: 14-Feb-2007 16:21
Subject: Re: rehearsal
To: Barry Manilow


I'm too embarrassed to ask this in person, but I've been getting a LOT of itching in my nether-regions of late and am very worried. Do you know who you're meant to talk to about these things? I'm really worried it's crabs. Please don't mention this to me in person, I'm so ashamed.


On 14/02/07, Barry Manilow wrote:

Uh, not common around here, but my children picked up friends once in the Philippines, a fine comb will get them out of hair which provides indisputable evidence. It may be easiest to get a dog/cat shampoo in the pet section of a large store that is designed for fleas and shirami, but a pharmacy will also have a shampoo specific to that purpose. But it could also be dry skin, and lotion will do the trick.

From: Dave Smith
Date: 14-Feb-2007 16:43
Subject: Re: rehearsal
To: Barry Manilow

I would suspect dry skin, but I did something lately which I deeply regret but makes me think it probably is crabs, if you know what I mean.

Thanks for the help. I mean it.


ICU Application

On 21/12/06, Mooney Suzuki wrote:

Dear Mr. Smith,

Thank you for your application for a position at the English Language program of International Christian University. We received a very large number of applications and the process of selecting the top candidate was a difficult one.

I am sorry to say that you were not selected as a final candidate for a position at this time.

I will keep your application materials on file for the next year and contact you again in case we have any unexpected openings during that time.

The selection committee appreciates the time and effort you went to in applying to ICU and we wish you the very best in your future career.


William T Hooker, Director

English Language Program
From: Dave Smith
Date: 14-Feb-2007 16:09
Subject: Re: ICU Application
To: William T Hooker


Ye, wotever, I no its been like totally ages since you mised out on the gratest oputunity you have ever had (eg hiring ME) and you totally ruined my xmas but i dont care. im a survivor foo', and i new that my skillz wud be totally apreshiated as long as i had faith in myself and my lord. i like to feel that the lord touched me and now ive got myself my dreamjob as a translator for a ringtone company. ha! wot you think of that ay? i bet you didnt even find anyone else for the job and now you totally regrettin not givin me a holla to take th job after all!!1111!!!

hay, if you want i can send u over a sms wiv the lords prayer to the tune of Vengaboys for a discountid rate. itd be like potery in moshun and ironic. definitly ironic.

Dave Smith, fo real.

Emailing: Application form

On 2/13/07, Lisa Riley wrote:

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for your interest in the current vacancy at Robinson.

Please find enclosed an application form and diversity analysis for you to complete and return.

If you do not hear from us within 4 weeks please assume that you have been unsuccessful on this occasion, however we will keep your application on file for 6 months if any future vacancies arise.

Yours sincerely,

Lisa Riley
From: Dave Smith
Date: 13-Feb-2007 21:16
Subject: Re: Emailing: Application form
To: Lisa Riley

I dont have a printer so I'm writing the information here instead of filling out the form. You can fill out the form for me. Can you do it fast as I want to make a good impression on the people at Robinson.

They'll know the role information, its attached in a word file anyway. just fill that out appropritately (its just common sense)

You already have my contact info so you can fill that section out too.

Here is my employment:

2004-Now Kwik Save Checkout Operator - Did stock taking and till work. the usual.

Here is my education:

3 C's 1D and 2E's at GCSE (including CDT)

I am healthy and I dont have a criminal conviction or whatever, so just fill out that section like you should and I'm white british, so there should be no problems there.

please could you get back to me as soon as you have done this so I know when to hand in my notice at my current place.

From: Riley, Lisa
Date: Feb 14, 2007 11:07 AM
Subject: RE: Emailing: Application form
To: Dave Smith

Sorry Dave, we do need you to fill out an application form and we need a signature, please can I have your address so that I can send one out to you in the post today


From: Dave Smith
Date: 16-Feb-2007 22:34
Subject: Re: Emailing: Application form
To: Riley, Lisa


Lets cut the chit-chat. I can read between the lines. You want me, its quite plain to see. It was valentines day when you tried to get my "address". Jees, talk about being non professional.

Look, you and I both know you can fill in that form for me and we can both be that bit closer to working for Robinson together.

hugs and kisses,


ingrid smith sent you this eBay item: SIERRA DESKTOP PUBLISHING/CLIP ART PRINT ARTIST 4

On 1/30/07, eBay member: Ingrid Smith wrote:


Ingrid Smith sent you this eBay item

Hi, I saw this item on eBay and thought you might be interested. could you try and buy it for me thanks mum


Current bid: £0.99 (0 bids)

Postage: £2.95

End date: 04-Feb-07

Add to watch list | See similar items

Find out more

Details for item number:

Description: For sale here is the Sierra Home Print Artist 4 software. Included in the sale are the CD-Rom and user guides/manual. It was published in 1996 and is ... See more

Post to: Worldwide

Seller: Member is a PowerSeller

99.9% Positive Feedback
From: Dave Smith
Date: 02-Feb-2007 21:20
Subject: Re: Ingrid Smith sent you this eBay item: SIERRA DESKTOP PUBLISHING/CLIP ART PRINT ARTIST 4
To: Ingrid Smith

Hi Mum,

Not a problem I put the order in for £299. To be honest it seems alot to pay for it, but I guess you know what you want.



On 23/01/07, Lesley Judd wrote:

Hey Dave,

Well with the New Year and everything you must be pretty busy with all your work. I am At The center right now. Doing my daily send outs. Just thought I would send you a quick not to say hello, and to see how you are doing? What's new? Not much with me. Same old stuff. Just left the Hall with Dr. Jacobs. we had a great meeting today. It went alot better than i thought it was going to go. However, I do miss your classes here. I have actually been gone from here since Thanksgiving and decided I will continue to come until i find work. Also will stop in to Community Friendship social club fro movies and snacks. So back to group I go and God Bless.

Dave Smith wrote:

Jesus christ Lesley!

I TEACH people, I'm not your BEST FRIEND. Let me illustrate:


Honestly, it's at moments like these that I think you didn't learn a single thing. It's people like you who make me think that I'm wasting my time and I should go back to being a fluffer. Okay, maybe I'm venting on you more than you really deserve, but I guess I've finally snapped.

Don't contact me again.
From: Lesley Judd
Date: 24-Jan-2007 23:49
Subject: Re: friend
To: Dave Smith

Hey! Are you confussed with me and someone else? Because I think that you are a sounding more desperate than me at the moment!!!! Just Kidding!! I know you teach, your one of the best. Thanks for sending me a letter. It's good to hear from you. Sounds like you were talking to a girlfriend.Are you dating again? Talk with you soon. TEACH

Lesley Judd

Thank you for being patience

On 28/11/06, Chisaki wrote:


I have to email you earlier but my play made me worn out physically and mentally this time, so
Couldn't. Thank you very much for being patient with me. This season is a bad timing for me.
Still this week I have to work at night time for TV shooting. Even if today I only attend rehearsal with you 7pm till 8:30pm to get out from shooting.
Sorry about these unusual working time.

But I really enjoy myself participating this concert. Classic is not my thing but really help my mental condition and
Love to being in your rehearsal. And happy to sing Mozart in the choir. Thank you for your generosity and patience.
Pls accept my sincere apology for not being in rehearsal sometimes or leaving early.

Chisaki Hama
From: Dave Smith
Date: 11-Jan-2007 21:58
Subject: Re: Thank you for being patience
To: Chisaki Hama


It has taken me a long time to reply to this email because up until now I have been too angry.

Why do you leave rehearsals early or miss them? What have I done to deserve this?

Next time you see me I want you to embrace me and kiss my neck. This will demonstrate your commitment to moazrt and restore your standing with me.

I have many dreams where we can be together but we (you) need to get back on track for these to come true.

be good,

From: Chisaki Hama
Date: 15-Jan-2007 02:32
Subject: Apology
To: Dave Smith


I am very sorry if my previous email made you angry. I thought even if my job suddenly happens on Tuesday. Its good to be show up and try to sing even if short time because I like singing and like learning from you. But if that attitude made you unhappy and unpleasant I appologise. It doesn’t mean that attitude is iikagen or something like that. opposite. Its doens’t mean I don’t like you or Morzart, I adore you as an artist and misic professor.

My job is not the same one like other people no businessman or housewife, I have to work on weekends and sometimes at night.And that payment will save my dairy life. But I will do my best from now on and if you let me, I will embrace you when I meet you next time.


Curriculum vitae

On 10/24/06, Jessica Big wrote:


My name is Jessica Big and I am looking for a job in the area of your practice. I have attatched my CV.

Many Thanks
From: Dave Smith
Date: 25-Oct-2006 21:41
Subject: Re: FW: Curriculum vitae
To: Jessica Big
Cc: Dave Smith

Hi Jessica,

Just a few questions before we proceed to the interview stage.

I notice that you have a B at chemistry A Level, is this something that I should be concerned with? How do you cope with failure?

I also notice that you have some vaguely related work experience in Darlington. Please advise on which chip shop is the most gourmet in this area please as I have a son who frequents the public houses in this area.

Once I have received these answers we can proceed to the next stage. Please dont be disconcerted by a delay in response as I am very busy at the moment, dealing with more important issues.

best regards,


Royal Court, Acre Lane

From: Flash Gordon
Sent: 18 September 2006 12:06
To: Travis Morrison
Subject: Emailing: cucontactdisplay.htm

Hi Travis Can I have some info on this in order that I can reply. Cheers

From: Travis Morrison
Sent: 19 September 2006 10:16
To: Sophia Lauren
Cc: Flash Gordon
Subject: FW: Emailing: cucontactdisplay.htm

Good morning Sophia,

If Montgomery & Jones are going to replace the gas fire and back boiler then
presumably deal with the probable presence of asbestos materials then
this shouldn't be aproblem. If you need my involvement please advise.

Good morning Flash,

You may not be aware that Sophia Lauren has joined us as Senior
Surveyor dealing with the services side.

Regards to you both.

Travis Morrison.
From: Sophia Lauren
Sent: 19 September 2006 10:44
To: Bill Beaumont
Subject: Royal Court, Acre Lane

I have received the attached query from a tenant at the above scheme. Please confirm if there is a programme for the replacement/upgrade of these back boilers at this scheme and if asbestos material is present what are your methods for dealing with this.


Sophia J Lauren
From: Bill Beaumont
Sent: 19 September 2006 10:55
To: Sophia Lauren
Subject: RE: Royal Court, Acre Lane


Mark is very aware of current issues at Royal Court, we are in a program of renewing all back boilers, as far as I am aware there is no issue with asbestos. A test was carried out on one of the previous removals & was shown to be negative. If however on removal of the boiler concerns are raised about asbestos then we will call in our approved Asbestos removal experts to carry out the works on our behalf


From: Sophia Lauren
Sent: 04 October 2006 12:59
To: Flash Gordon
Subject: FW: Royal Court, Acre Lane

Hi Flash

Further to your query from the tenantof the above project. Please find below reply from contractor. If you need more info let me know.



Sophia J Lauren

On 10/4/06, Flash Gordon wrote:

Hi Dave,

My apologies for the delay in getting back to you regarding your query on asbestos and replacement heaters. Please see the emails below which I believe answer your query.


Flash Gordon
Senior Estate Manager
From: Dave Smith
Date: 04-Oct-2006 21:36
Subject: Re: FW: Royal Court, Acre Lane
To: Flash Gordon

If you dont get this sorted damn quick I'm going to blow MY bolier!!!!

From: Flash Gordon
Date: Oct 5, 2006 8:57 AM
Subject: RE: FW: Royal Court, Acre Lane
To: Dave Smith

Hi Dave, I have no idea why you have sent me such an abrupt response. Please could you telephone me on 0818118181 to discuss. If you get my voice mail please leave your number and I will get back to you.

Regards Flash.

Try this site

On 9/7/06, Partario wrote:


Try this website, its really fun. When you click the mouse, the color changes.

From: Dave Smith
Date: 08-Sep-2006 21:38
Subject: Re: Try this site
To: Partario

Not bad at all.

If you liked that then check out

Associate position

On 8/31/06, Antara Mitra wrote:

Please find attached my CV.

I would be happy to meet you for an interview at your convenience.

Kind regards,

Ms Antara Mitra

From: Dave Smith
To: Antara Mitra
Subject: Re: Associate position
Date: Mon, 4 Sep 2006 20:04:59 +0100

I find your attached CV very interesting. I particularly like your enclosed photo.

Through which internet dating site are you contacting me?

Lets not call it an "interview", lets call it a chance to get to know each other better. Hey! I like your special interests :)

From: Antara Mitra
Date: Sep 5, 2006 9:36 AM
Subject: Re: Associate position
To: Dave Smith

Thank you for your " special interest"... You just made my day!

Looking for a job not a date though... Wish you luck!

curriculum vitae

On 8/30/06, Ravi Tripathi wrote:

Dear Sirs,

I enclose a copy of curriculum vitae for the dentist job advertised. I am working part time in general practice and studying at the school.I am currently looking for property locally and therefore applied for your position.

Your Sincerely,

Dr Ravi Tripathi.

Curriculum Vitae

Personal Details: Name- Ravi Tripathi.

Dob- .


Tel No-

Mob No-

E-Mail- Ravi Tripathi

Profile: I am an associate dentist who is currently working in general practice, while studying the certificate course in restorative dentistry at the school. I have an interest in restorative dentistry and wish to obtain further qualifications in this field, whilst working in general practice.
Since qualifying from University in 2000 I completed my vocational training the following year. I then returned home to fulfil my desire to live and work.
During this six-year period I have worked in several practices, which include a corporate type practice and large suburban family practices, including my current place of employment. Whilst working in such establishments I have been privileged enough to work alongside several specialists and a number of colleagues, I have used such opportunities to broaden ones knowledge of the profession.
As well as recognising areas of interest, I also recognise areas of improvement and believe in time I will learn to overcome. Therefore fulfilling my desire to become an established reputable dentist who continues to provide good quality dental care.

Achievements In Dentistry: Blah blah blah
Education: Blah blah blah
Qualifications: Blah blah blah
Employment : Blah blah blah
References: Available upon request.
Dave Smith wrote:

It is good that you are looking for this dentist role.

I have one question I would like to ask before the interview.

If there are pretty ladies that come and need treatment I will administer general anaesthetic and will need to see them in utmost privacy to ensure that the anaesthetic has taken, prior to any dental work. Will this be a problem?

Best regards.
From: Ravi Tripathi
Date: Sep 4, 2006 8:04 PM
Subject: Re: curriculum vitae
To: Dave Smith

Dear Dave Smith,

Thank you for efficient reply . The answer to your question is no in don't mind providing i not administrating or treating those patients. As i believe GA in practice is no longer and if you were sedating someoneone your need a third party. If a third party is present then treatment should be no problem.

Kind Regards


Seiko's gig

On 04/09/06, Seiko Matsuda wrote:


Skipper asked me to give you guys (6 people of BEC) some information about the gig he told you about..thank you for your interest.

It is in Shunjuku on 7th, I will be on stage around 8:20.

Sorry the time could change(could be later I guess), it depends on the proceeding of the gig..actually it starts from 2pm.

The purpose of the gig is to promote.

Some people from the industry will be there, so we are gonna sing or perform for them.

Last time I was told to make my original song and sing it, so I am going to do it this time.

Im gonna do 3 songs including one opera aria(sigh)

The place is a small and new music club in Kabukicho, Shinjuku.

(In Japanese only, sorry.)

Entrance fee is 2500yen(including one drink), if you can see me somewhere before the gig, like around 8 o'clock, I have cheaper tickets(2000yen including one drink).

If you need further information, please let me know.

--- Dave Smith wrote:

Sounds like it could be fun, although I am planning on painting my wall earlier that evening and I might keep an eye on that instead.

Do you take requests? I do like that Eiffel 65 song "Blue", although I have recently become deaf so the only way I will be able to enjoy the song is if you paint yourself blue and shave all of your hair off.

BTW, is it okay if I bring my pal Chopper Dave? He says hayooor.


From: Seiko Matsuda
Date: 05-Sep-2006 14:04
Subject: Re: Seiko's gig
To: Dave Smith


I am so sorry I do not have a good sense of humor enough to get what the email says right.

Eiffel 65's Blue..I know and like the song though.

Well, if you are coming, please be there by 8:10.

Anybody will be welcome.


Tuesday and VHI

On 7/11/06, George Smith wrote:

Hiya, just so you know not looking for money YET!!!!

An invoice came from VHI for last 3 weeks in June (after u left Dell) and for all of year from July 1st 2006 to 2007.

Total is $511.

I have paid it so you have full cover.

When you get home and if you get VHI cover in a new job then they will refund all differences.

So that's all fair.

The IOU note is on your desk :)

Love from us

From: Dave Smith
Date: 11-Jul-2006 19:58
Subject: Re: Tuesday and VHI
To: George Smith

Didnt you get my email, telling you to ignore that invoice? It didnt take into account my last over payment.

I dont see why I should foot the bill if you didnt consult me. I'll let it slide this time but you have been warned!

from MALT Whiskey

On 6/28/06, Momoe Yamaguchi wrote:

Dear Mr Dave Smith,

Hello. My name is Miyuki Kogi, the program chair of the MALT Whiskey chapter. Barryetta, the program chair of the MALT Brandy chapter passed me this e-mail address of yours.

We are a quite small chapter. We usually have some around 15 people at a chapter meeting. And most of the members work at private children's English schools. I myself am a high school teacher though. From the description of the presentation you gave in Omiya, your presentation seems more theoretical. Could you let us share some more practical ideas as well? We are interested to hear what songs are effective in English language teaching in Japan as well as why they are effective.

We are looking for a speaker of the meeting on the 30th of July or the 6th of August the earliest, and the ones in October and December. If you think you want to give a presentation at our chapter meeting, please let us know when will be convenient for you. We will cover your travel cost and pay you 10,000 yen for your presentation as JALT guides.

Thanks very much for your concern.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Momoe Yamaguchi

MALT Whiskey
From: Dave Smith
Date: 28-Jun-2006 09:32
Subject: Re: from MALT Whiskey
To: Momoe Yamaguchi

Blah blah blah. It's all about you isn't it. I try to lecture and pass on my knowledge, but there are always those that want more. 10,000 yen!? Who am I, Dave Stupidmith? I've had enough.

From this day onwards I will never speak another word of Japanese!

From: Momoe Yamaguchi
Date: 28-Jun-2006 09:58
Subject: Sumimasen
To: Dave Smith

Dear Mr Smith,

I am only following the regulation of the MALT. If I upset you, Sumimasen. Please forget our concern. Please understand that we are genuinely interested to share ideas about the use of music in EFL with you. Anyway we are powerless. I am sorry that we are not given a chance to meet you.



On 6/1/06, Kris Akabusi wrote:

This page, from the Sky News website, has been sent to you by Kris Akabusi .

Click here to view the article:,,50001-1222770,00.html

From: Dave Smith
Date: 03-Jun-2006 12:51
To: Kris Akabusi

If you thought that was funny check this out. Legend:

Accident on freeway

On 5/31/06, Nigel Bates wrote:

i am stock since 40 mn on 215 freeway at 40 miles from work will be late


This message was sent from a Sprint PCS Phone.
From: Dave Smith
Date: 31-May-2006 19:59
Subject: Re: Accident on freeway
To: "Nigel Bates"

This is completely unacceptable. You know what time you have to be in work. Why do you persist in turning up late. I find this wholely unprofessional.

That said, lets forget this happened for now and bring it up for further discussion in your annual review.

Junior Java Developer GUILDFORD £25K PERM?=

--- Anneka Rice wrote:

Dear Candidate,

My client are working on an innovative new product which is set to be a forefront in new technology over the next few years.

They are currently looking for an articulate and motivated Software Developer with 1 year commercially in Java and J2EE. You will ideally have worked on Tomcat and various databases such as Oracle. You will need to be an excellent communicator with a creative 'can do' outlook. You must have a good BSCi in CS and be eligible to work in the UK.

Excellent package

To apply for this position please forward your CV

Best Regards

Anneka Rice
From: Dave Smith
Sent: 15 March 2006 23:40
To: Anneka Rice
Subject: Re: Junior Java Developer GUILDFORD £25K PERM?=

Hi Anneka,

This job sounds very good. However, I have a few questions.

I don't have good tomact skills but I have good panther skills. Is this a problem?

Do you got free coffee at this place? What is the canteen like?

I think I could earn £26K maybe £26.5K. Is this too much?

When should I hand in my notice?


--- Anneka Rice wrote:

Hi Dave,

No it's not a problem. Tomcat is not essential.

Could you send over your CV

Best Regards

Anneka Rice
From: Dave Smith
Sent: 16 March 2006 23:49
To: Anneka Rice
Subject: RE: Junior Java Developer GUILDFORD £25K PERM?=

You have me very excited now. I'll get my CV to you very quick. I know I am the man you have been thinking of.

From: Anneka Rice
To: 'Dave Smith'
Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 09:30:52 -0000
Subject: RE: Junior Java Developer GUILDFORD £25K PERM?=

yes in every way possible Dave- in every way possible. PLEASE BE MINE!!!!!


Anneka Rice

Recruitment Consultant

Polite Response

This was the first of many that I replied to politely.

On 2/9/06, Gary Wilmot wrote:

Dear Dave,

I'm sorry not to have replied sooner to your message of Monday, January 23.

I'm delighted by your idea of doing something together at St. Alban's on July 2. I would be happy to do either Evensong (organ playing) or a half-recital with Compline, or some combination of these things. I love playing recitals and I love accompanying choirs in Evensong, especially on what Hatsumi describes as being a lovely new organ in your church. May I ask $500 or the equivalent, and that you just put me to work doing whatever you would like?

You might be interested in knowing that, traveling with me, will be Barry Manilow, an experienced liturgical tenor/cantor/litanist, and the Rev. Al Green, my boss here at Trinity, a wonderful preacher and sensitive liturgical presence. They are vacationing while I slave away at organs, but would be glad to be of help in whatever plan we hatch. I offer this only for your consideration. They would be just as pleased to sit in the congregation or take a ride on the Yamanote line while we do our thing.

Best wishes,

From: Dave Smith
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2006 4:25 PM
To: Gary Wilmot
Subject: Re: July 2 at St. Alban's

Hi there,

I think you've got the wrong Dave Smith, sorry. I'm based in the UK.

From: Gary Wilmot
Date: 10-Feb-2006 16:08
Subject: RE: July 2 at St. Alban's
To: Dave Smith

Oh dear! I'm sorry about that. Just one 'g' between the names is all I neglected.

Thank you for letting me know.


What this is about

There are many advantages to having a common name (take note Frank Zappa).

One less reason for bullying at school, when I apply for a job curious recruiters won't be able to find anything out about me from a quick Google search and should some dipshit become famous who happens to share my name, people won't instantly associate me with said dipshit (I know someone called Darius. How unfortunate that has become).

One advantage that I originally misinterpreted as a disadvantage though is that there is a great demand for decent email addresses associated with your name. I'm sure many Dave Smiths have tried to obtain, but ended up settling for after 3 days of investigation for something that didn't immediately make people hate him.

Personally, I've managed to bag a pretty sweet email address relatively to my common name. Periodically though, it seems I receive emails intended for different people who also share my name. It's in these cases of mistaken identity, that I can fulfil my dreams of being someone else. Whether a member of the clergy, a doctor, a composer, or whatever, I can be whoever I want.

This blog documents the fun I've had being other people who have the same name as myself.

Names have been changed for privacy purposes.

I'll refer to myself as Dave Smith throughout, although that is not my real name.